Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Cold and Hollow


Obstacles remain and my power wanes as time stretches on. Despite treatment my beloved has not stirred for days.

Meanwhile I cannot warm myself fully. The woolen blanket that Nemeiah gave me helps. But when I move about during the day often I pause in a sunny place. It is ironic because such places were avoided before. And there are other things with regard to my health that I deliberately neglect until my beloved recovers.

On my hands and body I see the loss of strength, the hollowing. Mirtai sees it as well. She asked if she could help. In a different manner than she did before I departed for the shadow realm. I knew what she really offered and recognized the conflict and risk involved to do so. Nathan was not present. I believe Mirtai engineered it thus to minimize elaboration or consequences had I accepted. Though she serves me now, I declined because some things are best left in the past for both of us. She will not offer again.

To the Regent I confessed a general sense of emptiness and she focused on my maintenance as different from D.A.'s recovery and needing separate attention. She suggested I make use of her. Though the Regent and I only share conversation this does assist in some ways. 

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