Unto Shadow #6 - From Afar

Both Westlynn and Nemeiah I have spoken with at a distance. I am also forced to estimate the passage of time in this realm, as it does not seem to match what the living world experiences. I believe that more time has elapsed there than here. But such speculation is irrelevant.

Westlynn prepares an application to a sort of exploration group, so that she may see the new lands under an official aegis. When it was requested I told her my views of the place and the political turmoil. With the latter I have attempted neutrality, particularly after learning that Westel's wife was thrust into the war for the Horde. This is not for the former Regent though. It would be flora and not forged metal that occupy her there should she be accepted.

She was very curious regarding what this realm's landscape, appearance and conditions are. But I did not think it helpful to describe them in detail, to her disappointment.

Nem waits yet for the Bishop to do his bloody job. She wishes to advance her holy studies and succeed at ordination, but as long as she depends on him for her instruction her progress also relies on him. I have already expressed my opinion thus as well. The rest seems satisfactory - she told me she may even attend a Hallow's End function that she received an invitation for. 

With Nem I felt temptation to tell her more of the realm, unlike with Westlynn. The most that I said though was that it was unpleasant and I did not like it here.

Unto Shadow #5 - Beasts

I cannot precisely calculate the amount of time that has passed since entering this realm, but believe it to be at least two days now. Already we have been attacked by strange creatures. Before this I had not seen this particular kind but they were as foul as everything else. Bone-creatures with flattened heads that rose up from the sand. Fortunately with our combined abilities my beloved and I were able to vanquish the lot without significant damage to ourselves.

Unto Shadow #4 - The Cat

It is back.

It is identical in appearance and mannerisms also, much to my beloved’s annoyance. I attempt to translate its lack of precise communication in order to facilitate cooperation. That it has appeared again and leads the way, particularly when the landscape of the realm has changed drastically since my last visit, I believe is providential.

But still I cannot be certain that the Cat sustains any pure investment in our situation, or if my regard for it is one-sided. In that sense I must sound like Westlynn.

As far as the Cat is concerned, however, I am forced to trust that it is not malicious. And that some other purpose (entertainment perhaps) drew it to us so quickly.

Unto Shadow #3 - Old Friends

Sometimes being so far away forces one to reflect on who is left behind.

I had a lovely tea with Vivvienne before departing. She and I had not conversed for a time, and I thought it appropriate to invite her for a chat. We met in a tavern in the bear-people lands. Neither of us was terribly impressed with some of the edible fare. She informed me of a new development in her life that frankly, did not surprise me. She then rightly commented that I never speak of my beloved. I enjoyed the conversation though.

Nemeiah and Westlynn’s farewells were each a different challenge. I rushed a letter to Westlynn after to try to ward against any misunderstanding that would linger unresolved in my absence. Nem is left alone and I am dissatisfied with that. But there is little that I may do from a distance now.

The final goodbye was to Mirtai and Nathan. Mirtai appeared anxious and Nathan stood as steady as ever. Both entreated us to return home as quickly as possible. Unknown to Mirtai, I had spoken with him the day before to give details and answer questions regarding the venture. And we talked of her, briefly. I indicated my view and vouched for his privacy. It is the least that I can do for the stalwart service he has given.

Unto Shadow #2 - Welcome

The spirits roiled beneath the water again as we crossed through to this realm. As before the sight of them was dreadful, and at first they protested our approach. I warned my beloved not to gaze down upon them. But it really was impossible to resist a peek; particularly when one foul spectre first sneered at me and then spoke to D.A. I did not understand the word.

But my beloved did. "Welcome."

Once More, Unto Shadow

My beloved and I arrived in the realm of shadows shortly after midnight. Both of us dreaded it, but we are here. I do not like this place.

New People

Two of the odd bear-people I have spoken with. One was earnest and attentive, and the other proved disappointing.

The first is named Wen-Bie (I likely am not spelling this correctly, for their pronunciation and language is strange). She seemed young and curious. I would not have approached but she offered to share a cup of Jasmine tea. Though unknown to most this is my favorite. So I was tempted successfully into conversation. She answered many of my questions, including those that must have seemed terribly obvious to her.

The second was Shen. There was another syllable after the first but I do not know how to write it. She arrived in my attention when I noticed her display a peculiar amount of patience with an egocentric, monologuing orc. It was difficult to find her alone for a chat. When I did, at first she also answered questions and began to return a few to me. But we were interrupted by squabbling goblins, and then she departed without an acknowledgement or farewell.

But this may be preferable in the end. I dislike questions such as “Who were you before” and “Was it strange waking up in a world you left behind.” I now understand Nemeiah’s dilemma when conversing with them on the Forsaken.

Nearing Departure

The time is very close now. I have finished all reasonable preparations, but wait for my beloved to indicate readiness. I do not press or rush this, due to where we are going. Neither of us is eager to journey back into the realm of shadows.

To Nemeiah and Westlynn I gave the means to contact me while away. Westlynn of course displayed a great deal of curiosity and tested the limits of it immediately; much in the same manner she tests other boundaries. As for Nemeiah, I am content that she even considered accepting it. Likely I will be eager to converse with them when able.

And finally (a chat with Gom'jun reminded me), the garden is ready for winter and the neglect my absence will cause. I explained to him that the roses are not dead. He and Za'zii retrieved them for me from Gilneas, so his continued curiosity is understood.

Prayer Beads

Again, I say goodbyes for a time. Preparations are close to complete, save for a few matters to settle. I did not know if Westlynn would be about so I wrote a letter to her to describe what was occurring. With Nemeiah though, I was able to chat and give her a small item in person.

To my amazement, she did not protest the proposed journey and offered her mother’s prayer beads to me. The silver charm on it was a gift from me; the original stolen some months ago from her when the beads went missing. She lent the beads to Kruega when he experienced difficulty. They are extremely important to her. She said that it was as near as she could manage to shielding me without harming herself.

I am honored to carry them; though I doubt I will ever be able to hold them in a bare palm.

Shoes

Apparently they represent one’s social status, power, and self-worth. I have boots. I assume that these function in the same manner. Fortunately I do have one pair that is not made utterly of metal. Although the armored ones do have their purpose as well, particularly with regard to small, aggravating creatures like imps. This topic may not seem relevant to current events, but it is.

Symptoms

My beloved retains no memory of shouting at me, or any of the other violent outbursts of late. When in control, there is exhaustion and often unhappy emotions. Confusion. It is distressing to witness and then be unable to explain why it is occurring.

My initial thought was that it may be a partial possession; but I do not know of a being capable of both crossing my wards and influencing my beloved’s unique physiology. So it may be something from within. Possibly as a result of the time spent in the shadow realm. Neither of us holds the requisite knowledge on-hand to conclude with certainty however. Nor would Nem, I assume, because her studies are lighter (in the literal sense).

At the least, now I have secured D.A.’s cooperation and we are resolved on a path.

Untitled #5

"If you are going to be difficult I will just go back to my books. I'm tired of you being so over-protective anyway. 

"You are not well. Can you not see it?"

"Just go away and leave me alone!"

False Spring

What a fool I have been. Idly enjoying these last months with my beloved as though every danger had been eliminated. Ignoring signs that the trauma from the shadow realm had not healed.

So concerned have I been for the security of this property that I did not acknowledge the subtle signs of warning within my own chambers. I was so consumed with pleasing my beloved that I dared not question or press on uncharacteristic or troubling behavior. Now D.A. is unwell and information is scarce.

Like a rodent that burrows into its hole and assumes that spring reigns eternal outside, simply because it is warm and comfortable inside. But the blizzard still howls even though I elected, until now, not to hear it. 

Important Introduction

I introduced Nemeiah to my beloved. Although not directly or in person. My primary concern was that the method D.A. used to communicate with her would give Nem pause at the least, and at the most invoke her disgust and revulsion. But neither occurred.

Nem was quite polite and friendly, even curious of the shadowy magic my beloved employed. While more time is needed to consider this surprising result, my first conclusion is that I underestimated either her hatred of the shadow or her trust in me. Presently I am more inclined to think the latter.

Associations

Lately I have given thought to whether it is correct or iniquitous to judge someone by their associations. That is, if they keep unsavory company if it is fair to remember the faults of others around them, or simply view the individual alone to determine worth.

The difficulty is that the individual may have confirmed favorable traits. So favorable that they attract the attention of those who take advantage of such generosity and tolerance, who are themselves less deserving. Or the opposite: the individual presents fewer personal virtues but has access to valuable contacts.

I believe it is too simple to judge solely on individual merits no matter how ideal or romantic the notion. No person – even one as reclusive as my beloved or I – exists without influential associations. 

Hidden

I mentioned, journal, some work done to the carriage. While it was much more intensive (I actually shooed Nathan away so there would be no interruptions from him or Mirtai when she looks for him), it was not the only project of this kind on the manor.

Some time ago my beloved conceived of combining certain magics of ours to mask the entire grounds. I was not certain if it was possible at first, but now any that pass will see nothing more than a ruined stead and have no interest in examining it closer. It is the same for the carriage. It will not inspire investigation by unwelcome eyes.

Of course, the application of this spell expended many days’ worth of energy, but I am less concerned that the recent upheaval between the Horde and Alliance shall result in disruptive visitors. 

Winter Approaches

I removed the last bud from the roses when preparing them for winter. Until spring, they will gradually become dormant. The young apple tree is dropping its leaves. Frost has not yet arrived but I smell it in the air.

My body welcomes the changes even if the garden does not. Some things and some people enjoy the warmth and bright skies of summer, and they yearn for its return when winter’s winds chill. I am the reverse. They say that there is death in winter, and life in spring. I cannot deny those associations yet am eager for these next few months. 

Disgruntled

My beloved is unhappy. Partially with me, I think, for I somehow managed it poorly.

I mentioned missing tea with Nem and Westlynn in order to work on the carriage, and this was a reminder of the many things given up socially in order to satisfy the need for security. My offer then to arrange something solely for the two of us was answered with tangible barbs of indignation and disapproval. 

I do not know how to resolve this to the satisfaction of all. I would be content with the satisfaction of one.

Accidental Love

Some weeks ago Nemeiah made a small remark about how my beloved and I seemed “close.” I thought it an unusual thing to say, knowing what I have confessed to her. I asked recently if there was a greater implication behind the observation.  

Her reply was that she had not wished to assume that we were in love, if there was a chance she misinterpreted. Thus she had used the milder term and caused my confusion. She also had drawn upon her own experience and admitted that she was “not exactly good” at determining love.  I had thought the reality rather obvious. So I told her that this assumption was correct and that “those words” were used.

But what I did not tell her was that it all was an accident. I was not supposed to fall in love with this person. The aim was something else entirely.

A Strange Land

Several times I have been through the portal to the land of the bear-people, and thus far have managed to avoid significant contact with the inhabitants. There is a great deal to explore yet; mostly I am curious of the mountains spotted in the north.

And hidden all about are resources to exploit and retrieve. I have found golden flowers unlike any that grow elsewhere in the world. And white and black ores stronger than the saronite or elementium that most armor and weapons are made from.

Many lovely vistas there are to view as well. That is, if the Horde and Alliance do not mutually exterminate each other and the land in the process of conquering it. In particular, in a great valley lie many farms, flourished by vibrant and heavy rainstorms. Then in a few minutes the rain passes and there is warm sun again.  

But it is the temple that the Horde have commandeered that I discovered something less naturally wondrous, but nonetheless impressive. A great library with books and scrolls stacked to the high ceiling. My beloved would be very interested in this.

Nocturnal

It now seems that my beloved has no desire to return to daylight habitation. Because I could not safely construct the cabin during the heat of the afternoon, Nathan and I worked at night. My beloved adjusted to this pattern with ease and lately declared that it is preferred, even enjoyed.

There are fewer distractions and “errands” as D.A. calls my social obligations, and so there is more time afforded to be with each other. I do not think yet that this will be a permanent schedule change because my beloved always reserves the right to shift according to the whim of the moment. I do not complain though. The night is easier and more comfortable to move through.

Unwanted Suitor

This does not apply to me, but to Nemeiah. Weeks ago she told me of an elven paladin that had expressed unusual interest in her. He told her that that he found “death” beautiful, and I felt this inappropriate, even disturbing. Had he said that Nem herself was beautiful I would not complain or deem it strange. He seemed to view death with some unhealthy erotic fixation.

He disappeared for a time, or at least Nem had not spoken of him until a strange undead elf approached her in Orgrimmar while she chatted with me. His manners were poor, and his conversation abysmal. Nem appeared uncomfortable and I disliked him immediately. It was a relief when he excused himself, and then she revealed that this was the same paladin.

You may imagine, journal, how disgusted I was to learn he was still about her and still speaking of improper things. Even after whatever incident killed him. For now though, I likely will remain uninvolved.

Also this does not improve my opinion of paladins.

Cabin Complete

Work on the cabin is finished and Nathan is settled into it as his new residence. I must boast that it is a fine result. Although it was his experience that I relied on in order to build it. He is satisfied, as are my beloved and I. Although of all of us, Mirtai may be the most visibly enthusiastic.

While being introduced to the place she asked a great number of questions of Nathan, so many that my beloved alerted me to the excess with a rolling of eyes. It required a command to begin a routine (though redundant) chore to remove Mirtai from his room. But that is something to muse on at another time.

I feel accomplished by the cabin’s completion not only because it is a goal achieved, but also it is something that I helped make from nothing. I am designed for destruction, not creation. Perhaps it is silly to be proud of such a modest structure made of wood, metal, paint, and glass. But I do take pride and see it as the first step, the beginning of a larger ambition.