Update #9

I finally told my beloved that Viere had been lurking about. While I have taken a watch every night no sign of himself has been exhibited since we returned from the realm of shadows. My beloved, while not knowing the cause had been concerned about my behavior. The advice after was to not let it worry me too much.

After all, he may have done it simply to annoy me. Which is not a wise temptation.

Misrepresentation

When Westlynn surrenders from a disagreement before every argument has been exhausted, I worry. For as long as we have been friends she never seemed bothered by how I represented myself to others. But during a visit to her home, her mother came upon us and asked me about my interests.

I answered in typical fashion to avoid her scrutiny. 

When we left the house, Westlynn rounded on me and expressed her displeasure with my response. Why should others not think highly of me, and why would I diminish myself? We spoke again in the days following and she relinquished her position suddenly before I could offer a robust explanation. If I understand my species (the female variety) at all, this means that I am in a great deal of trouble.

Lending Terror

Despite her reservations and my own, Nemeiah agreed to see the dark books for her investigation. She tended the injuries of yet another individual that needed healing, and had been recovering as she considered the offer.

My beloved was not eager to relinquish the literature without stipulations. Apparently in the past, many books that were lent out did not return. That is not likely here.

Jiik

Near two years ago, I met a troll warlock named Jiik. She acted as my introduction to some of the social rings within Orgrimmar, calling me over by the greeting, “’Ey, elfie with the hood.” While only a few months passed before she disappeared to pursue other matters, we did exchange a few interesting conversations.

As a warlock she studied methods to control demons and I was fond of her fel hunter. But her succubus behaved less amicably and I offered advice on how to remedy that. Not long after Jiik was given a second succubus to manage, and it seemed she applied the recommendations with initial success (and pleasure, although no details were requested).

But not at all did I enjoy her attempts to assist me. She said that my soul appeared “damaged” and asked if it hurt. I had less patience then for such personal probes and took offense. Eventually she retreated from the offer to repair my soul because I refused to acknowledge it. It was then, and still is a stupid question to ask.

On occasion I am curious to what she has applied herself. Or if the succubi in the end overcame her training. Warlocks of untried ability tend not to survive when tested.

Shy Game

In a few weeks will be our anniversary, and I instigated a quiet game with my beloved. I have hidden small notes of appreciation about and as they are found, I make new ones to put in different places. The first was not discovered immediately. So the second I put in a more noticeable position between the pages of a book on the desk (where most of my beloved’s attention is focused when working).

Thus far, no acknowledgement has been displayed, but this is as I had hoped. It is our shy little game.

Purifying Flames

When I asked my beloved why Viere’s lair had been destroyed by fire, the answer suggested some guilt for the act, but only because I had not been consulted first. My decision had been to retrieve anything of use from there. So that it could not be found by others and utilized for barbarity. But I expressed hesitation, and D.A. offered to go instead.

After much consideration did I agree, but only if Maag acted as escort and I stationed myself as guard (however superfluous). My beloved descended into the labyrinth and emerged some time later, eager to depart. The entire underground had been set ablaze.

At first, I did not understand but did not question. I felt ambivalence, not remorse or triumph.

In hindsight the rash, vindictive choice - sudden at least by my perspective, it may have been planned once my beloved resolved to go there -was the wisest course. Often we are not the most dispassionate agents in our own affairs and those who love us possess the greater insight.

The reason my beloved burned the place was so that it could be put away from me. 

Twitter-pated

This is the word that my beloved uses when describing an individual who is lost to their positive emotions during a romantic relationship. Though, it has not been used in context with us. I am not certain in which language it originates but am spelling it out in Thalassian.

I mention it here because it applies to Kruega in his current state. Never before have I seen him so enamored. Though usually he is cheerful, it now encompasses more than a typical good mood. The cause of course is what we spoke of before, his feelings toward a particular female.

He mentioned that the flowers I lent him were received favorably. To this I wished to reply that of course they were; only if a woman was a simpleton would she not appreciate flowers. Even I like them.

Ambulatory

Through a surrogate I received word that Westlynn had returned from her venture. But when I traveled to where she lay in recovery, she and her male attendant, Tristenne, had both indulged in something narcotic, and I could not receive a coherent conversation.

The next day I returned and the visitor and drugs were not in effect, so more information could be obtained. Her sister has treated her since her arrival. After determining that she was not in imminent danger of collapse, I offered to walk with her about the place. She of course pressed much further than any of her caregivers would have approved.

Attempting the stairs in her state may have exceeded her ambulatory capacity. But she seemed determined to defeat them alone. While this was consistent with her character (particularly of late), I wanted to help. I do not think she noticed.

Dark Offer

After being absent from Orgrimmar for a time, I returned and was pleased to find Nemeiah there. Our conversation remained brief, but she assured me she felt well and that her skill in the Light increases.

However, I have not forgotten the earlier discussion regarding her procedure and what it uncovered. Due to the results of my beloved’s bravery I was able to make an offer to Nem. Dark literature otherwise inaccessible to someone of her Holy persuasion. I did not linger after the offer but hope that Nem considers it beyond her hesitance. 

Sit and Stay

From Westlynn I received a brief note asking to meet and chat, and I expected from the tone of it that there would be a task involved. I did not anticipate that the request would be to stay behind and not interfere as she ventured out to resolve the threat on her family. To keep silent or lie about her plans. Yet, should she not succeed, she wanted me to watch over her sister and the others for their safety.

I agreed to remain uninvolved. But at first was unhappy about it.

After that chat I returned home and updated my beloved. I met with some resistance, but not due to a desire to force assistance upon Westlynn. It was, as it ever has been out of concern for keeping our affairs private and my guardianship focused on us. That I not be commanded nor expected to protect others.

I offered assurances that my priorities are unaltered.

Kruega's Questions

Kruega approached me in Orgrimmar the other day and seemed perplexed by a personal situation. Although we speak often of his own affairs, nearly never does he ask me of my own. When he wondered whether or not I could feel “love” the emotion, either now or if I could remember it from life, I answered to both with honesty.

He described his worries regarding a female and I was disappointed that it was not a particular one. But that is understandable for both of them.

When given a few moments to reply, I pontificated on proper courtship and lamented how most simply hop into bed and forget the art of it. Seldom in conversation am I allowed (or inclined) to elaborate on the topic, but here I was rather verbose. There are also several of your pages, journal, that are filled with my thoughts on the subject.

I warned Kruega that many pretend to love because they fear to be alone.

After our chat I hope he does not mistake every warm feeling for something greater. He is young. Thus, I also hope that the female involved does not take advantage of him as he is susceptible to.

Untitled #6

"Let the past remain in ashes."

Cowardice

This world is filled with opposites, literal and conceptual, that challenge and balance each other. Light and Shadow, life and death, angels and demons. Therefore if one believes in bravery, they must also acknowledge its antithesis.

Or in my case, it is because of cowardice that I believe in courage.

For years my actions were ruled by what I feared to do, to say, to attempt out of risk of punishment. Now I am bound by my will and memories and this, unfortunately, is enough to still give pause.

Silvermoon

It is a bright, golden and obnoxious place. In the streets march paladins and in the taverns, idiots, brutes and harlots mingle. I am reminded why I did not venture here often unless for a specific task. It is a good place for finding and indulging vices – if one’s own vices were the ones being satisfied.

I have also decided that elven death knights accumulate in Silvermoon because there they are not required to compete with the presence of tauren, trolls, orcs, and other hardened fighters. Their cold glances result in equal shares of fear and derision. Thus, they are difficult to ignore and this seems to be the underlying goal. Dark suits of armor seeking attention with no real mettle or mind to accompany them.

In that sense, they are just as distasteful as the paladins. Orgrimmar at least has fewer of each, or they are less noticeable because of the aforementioned fighters.

Secret Affair

Or perhaps, not so secret. But I told Nathan that I would not inquire into his business before leaving for the shadow realm and I have kept to that. However, my beloved impishly observed that we have had the manor to ourselves at night. I asked for some privacy on Mirtai and Nathan’s behalf.

This is with the hope of course that the two of them continue to fulfill their tasks and do not give me such a headache as they did before.

Little Things

"Here we’ve been through a whole archive of shit together… and we’re still worried about little things.”

Westlynn said this after I confessed a concern regarding her view of me. I had stopped by the place where her family stays currently (the vinemaster is there – convenient), and she rather quickly spotted and persuaded me to visit upstairs. Ostensibly to receive a gift, but it was natural for us to fall into conversation.

The gift was a rice-pouch that smells of jasmine and can be warmed to hold and relax. I enjoyed it, due to the obvious, but did not wish for her to think that I required any comforting. Softness, weakness or that sentimentality that I assumed triggered her disdain.

But this view originated from one of our first interactions. When Talil’s brother propositioned her in a pompous pose and she ridiculed him. She now clarified that it was not all hard-shelled individuals that deserved the mocking, only those who possessed nothing underneath that could support their pride. I had behaved this entire time thinking that any display of feeling would invoke teasing.

Markings

The conversation with Nemeiah did not go as poorly as I had worried. The procedure she subjected to, while it must have been invasive, did not seem to leave her with lingering ailments. Only more questions on how she was made. But she thought it worthwhile to have peered within, in a literal sense.

“He” left markings in her. These were not altered or removed when discovered, nor were the tools present to do so regardless.

I apologized for my rude departure after she first told me of the operation, and cited that I could not support the thought of it along with the other instabilities at that moment. Then when she tried to contact me to notify me of the benign result, I was busy.

In addition, I did not tell her as much of what happened. Only assuring her that both I and my beloved were well. 

Keeping Watch

I have spent the greater portion of nights watching the boundaries of the manor, to spot the man that Nathan reported as lingering about. The Goodman did admit to taking a shot at him, which I approved of. If he had only appeared once I could dismiss it as error.

But three times did Viere poke about the border while I was away. That is not error. I must decide what to do with him when if he returns.

Vexation

Since returning to this realm, I have had opportunity to visit with Westlynn and to learn of the situation that vexes her family. A troll threatened them and damaged her sister. Thus, he must inevitably be dealt with.

Although the goal is clear, the method is not and there is little I am able to offer aside from support. Another troll that she refers to as both ‘traitor’ and ‘insider’ spoke with a few of us to warn of the danger. Felonous advocated the destruction of every troll involved, including the informant. I advised caution.

Moreover I worried that Westlynn would scamper off alone to remedy the menace, but she told me that she would refrain. I do not consider that a promise.

Storytime: Freedom

((Hey everyone! This special entry marks the 400^th post on Annjia’s Journal. 400 entries, 75,000 words. When I started I never expected so much to be written! As usual, I’ll take a few days off and resume posting on Monday, January 7^th.

Thanks for reading!))

More than two years had passed since I was raised. It was winter, and I still ached from injuries received when the world shattered and Tirisfal trembled with a great earthquake. Viere calculated that the power of the black dragons, and the Twilight Cult that served them could be leveraged. I was sent to integrate into the cult and deduce their worth.

The plan was progressing, until I encountered Shadowstep.

We fought among the cliffs of Hyjal and she, more agile than I, maneuvered to where my charge propelled me over the side. I caught the edge but the impact of body to wall bent my arm and broke it. I had been numb for so long already and hardly felt it. Attempts to lift myself up again failed and I fell.

Shadowstep achieved the high ground and brandished sharp projectiles. I elected to run away. This was typical of my character at the time. There was nothing to save or fight for and cowardice enabled survival.

I returned to Tirisfal to recover and found that the supply of healing potions in my stock depleted. In the halls of the labyrinth I met one of Viere’s other servants, the void demon, and he politely pointed me to Viere’s study where more potions were kept.

Never was I permitted into the study alone, but this time he was not there. While I looked for the potions, I found something else that I recognized. Something that he had taken from me to advance his powers.

I took it back.

The moment I did, the control he had placed so thoroughly in my mind snapped and my thoughts were my own. It was not a painless transition. Nor was it solely mental. I could feel everything changing in me. It is not solely an abstraction or dramatization to say that I could feel my heart beat again.

And there was nothing to stop me from destroying the man who had stolen everything. I proceeded to Viere’s chambers and found him awake and thoroughly displeased for me for disobeying his command to remain out of his study.  He began to wind up words. And I wound up my fist. The looks of surprise on his broken face delighted me, but pleased me less than the look of horror after when he curled his hand and tried to punish me. He found me immune.

Mirtai fled the room while I executed revenge on him. But beating on him did not appease my fury in full. He finally defended himself after a toll and struck me away with a blaze of fire. The bed and nearly everything else in his hollow empire caught aflame. I found this ironic and satisfying.

We flung a few bitter words across the room at each other but the greater fight was over. Yet he claimed pride, even credit for what I had become. He marveled at his own ability and prowess in making a creature that could develop thus. And he warned me that I was not prepared for the greater world. I proclaimed the bargain that if he did not pursue me, I would not kill him.

Now I know that he violated that pact. But I let him live that day, as I did more than a year later when I fulfilled another deal with him in exchange for the information and means to save my beloved.

Why? That I cannot answer in full. Had he made me more ignorant, had he treated me with respect and care I would not have sought escape. Some part of me may have been too proud then, watching his room burn, and gloating, needing to relish his frustration at losing his favorite possession. I wanted him to suffer. And he did suffer. 

Later, part of me may have wanted to see what he did with his own freedom. As granted by my hand. If he too could, out of torment become something better.

I do not think he has. Nor do I assume that he is gone from my life. I expect that there will be at least one more meeting and one more choice.

The uncertainty with which I reflect on my motivations contrasts, though, with the certainty of direction now. I cannot be bound thus, again. He made me, but I made myself strong.

Kaelyn's Rose

I have resolved upon a project for the spring, in addition to more construction on the property. There is a rose hybrid that I experimented with before the snow. I had managed to get a few buds produced, one of which I gave to Kaelyn as a gift in a preserved state. I did not have a name for it then but the color intrigued me.

When the roses wake I will work to see if I am able to foster a stronger generation of buds that can be spread in force about the garden.  I think it would be a fitting tribute, if I am successful, to name it after her.

That is, if I am able to find more seeds or seedlings to plant and ensure a robust blooming. A search around the ruined kingdom of Gilneas produced only disappointment in that regard.

New Year, Old Friends

I ventured out and into the cities again, and greeted old friends. Nemeiah, Westlynn and Kruega are among those. This time, with certain others removed from my acquaintance, reintegration has been much more pleasant.

Kruega also returned from his wanderings and seems well, if a bit unsteady on his hooves. But that is not unusual. Nemeiah, though our last long-distance conversation was tense, appeared intact when we spoke in person. I returned her prayer beads but there was not opportunity to do or speak of much else. For the next conversation with her, I anticipate difficulty.

Westlynn quite immediately swept me up into a walk about Orgrimmar to count and name bonfires. I had agreed long before to more outings and could not refuse the invitation despite feeling tired. I offered her a belated Winter Veil gift.