Another Leaflet

((The flier is printed in Common.))

Leaflet

Darkbreak is recovered enough from his injuries to return to appearing publically. I confess some surprise, as I thought the exchange with my beloved had left him unable. Though I did not spot him personally to verify.

What I found was a new advertisement, this time in Elwynn Forest. I would not have known its contents (and did not confirm them until my beloved read it) if did it not have their emblem printed on it like a blasted red flag. The paper itself did not survive the discussion. 

Rose Notes

Selfishness

I write of the ideas surrounding a particular brand of fulfillment. Not glory or accomplishment, but the satisfaction that emerges in spite of, or as a result of harm to others.

There is a separate case of each embodied by men within my acquaintance. The first should conjure no surprise as Viere, who sought fulfillment of his selfish desires in opposition to those he exploited. The second is the Lord of the Castle. He is a bit more complex because those harmed by his selfishness were all willing at some point.

Of Viere I have written extensively, and so will not spend more ink on the subject.

The Lord I must speculate on purely because I do not know him well and only observed his behavior. The main manifestation of his greed was the acquisition of additional companions, though Victora clearly disapproved of sharing him. I believe the Witch, of all individuals to be the cause. Understanding now more of his past relationship with her, prior to her demise at his and my blade. How he lost her prompted him since to obtain more and attempt to fill the void.

He then was forced, inevitably, to make a choice between his possessions.

((Written in the margin)) I do not mean to insult Kaelyn – may she rest in peace - or Sophia by referring to them as objects. The Lord treated each with respect and affection and tended most of their needs, unlike Viere. I do not think he saw them as possessions.

((Back to the main page)) He favored one over the other and lost both. Yet had he never sought more, he would not have had to make that choice. It was his fault, as my beloved reminded me.

And I remember the expression he showed to me when Sophia, in tears, clung to him and reminded him that he still had her and her love. It was not the look of a man appeased by even that heartfelt plea. I am not optimistic that he will alter his course, particularly if he learned nothing and sees no wrongdoing in his acquisitions. He simply did what he wanted, and that defines selfishness when he knows it causes grief.

((Stepping Back))

((Dear blog readers,

This is just a quick note to let you all know that Annjia’s Journal will no longer update five days a week. I want to focus on other projects for the time being and will only post occasionally. Thank you for reading and please enjoy the archives for lots of hidden spoiler goodness.))

Monster, Part 3

When the word “monster” was put on me, it may have been written in a language I do not read, but the meaning was stated in clear terms. This label was primarily intended to impugn and humiliate me.

Those who saw etched letters denied its accuracy with vehemence. They said that man who did it was the monster and not I. My beloved treated the subject with delicacy and has helped to tend the marks so they do not endure as a reminder. Yet thoughts of what it means fill these pages and the quiet moments when my mind has nothing to distract or occupy it. Which may have been the secondary motive.

I accept that the priest believes me to be a monster. I accept that others do not. But regardless of perspective, due to the gravity of the accusation they cannot both be right. What I have written up until this page examined the meaning of it in an attempt to understand and embrace what is true.

Since my creation I was designed to destroy. I was given Strength, Cunning and Desire to augment that purpose. In order to live, in order to protect and support my love, I must end others’ lives. How honorably I choose to accomplish that matters little. How impeccably I choose to dress, speak or behave matters none when the underlying Nature is bared.  

I am not ashamed of what I am.

Thus I conclude that on only one point do Darkbreak and I agree. I am now, and for the entirety of my existence in this world have been, a monster.

Avoidance

Ever since I returned from Darkbreak’s ship, I noticed that Mirtai stayed absent from my sight. Nathan was about a bit more but I did not distract him from his work. When I finally did, and asked about her, I realized that she was avoiding me. 

She has always been afraid of me. When we were with Viere she could hide behind him and taunt me. She flaunted her superior status whenever possible. After his defeat by the Nath’rezim, she sought me out and I nearly killed her. While intimidation can be a strong tool of control, it is now inappropriate to wield it with her. I do not want her to fear me. 

Then my beloved revealed that Mirtai’s avoidance was a deliberate machination. D.A. had asked her and Nathan to give space to both of us while I recovered. Though I was told they did not mind and it was done out of love, I wonder if more distress was caused by forcing separation.

Nemeiah recommended that I speak to Mirtai when I felt better. She referenced our own paranoid beginnings, for which, as with Mirtai I cannot entirely calculate how we overcame the distrust. In this recent conversation it became clear to me that Nem and I see anger very differently. But that is a topic for a different page.

First Bloom

I clipped the first suitable bud from one of the hybrid rosebushes. It is one of Kaelyn’s. The red center emerged much darker than I expected, nearly purple. It blends more with the black of the rest of the petals. I had hoped for a bit more contrast but am not discouraged. There are other buds still emerging and I will have time during the season to tend and experiment with them for a brighter crimson.

My beloved said that it was lovely and an “amazing beginning.” But I am particular and fastidious on this because it is a tribute.

Storytime: The Knight and the Harlot

Once there was a Lady, and her Knight that was faithful to her. When the Lady’s husband left her, the Knight continued to support and protect her. Silently being in love with her but never breaking his oaths.

Then, the Lady met a Wizard and was convinced outright that he loved her passionately. She went to his tower and his bed, leaving the Knight to stand away and alone. But the Knight knew the love to be false. The Wizard treated the Lady like a Harlot and a conquest.

He asked the Lady to speak with him alone, and at length she agreed. He spoke honestly to her of his worry, but he could not bring himself to say aloud that he loved her. He thought that his actions were evidence enough. Yet she needed to hear it, to see it, or else the affection simply did not exist to her. She wanted to be loved, not admired behind protocol. The Knight asked that she leave with him and to forget the Wizard, and he would treat her like a Lady.

Below the tower, the Knight waited for her to decide. The next day, she did. She returned to the Wizard without a word given to the Knight. For to her, false love was better than none at all. 

The Knight departed and she never saw him again. 

A Quiet Night

My beloved and I hunted together again. I wanted to go and eventually was convinced of the wisdom of not embarking alone. The decision relieved D.A. of some worry, I think. Given that I have not behaved with complete stability.

It took much longer than I expected and in total we hid for a few hours. I confess that at first I was anxious and did not act when I could have, because I did not wish to endanger us with hasty judgments. This may have been my beloved’s goal in offering to come along. Ostensibly it was to learn a bit more of how it is done.

We did not chatter or do much other than watch and wait. I did not mind. In fact I found the time spent together rather pleasant, though it was in a rugged setting. My beloved might disagree, as one who enjoys domestic creature comforts. I endeavored to make up for the inconvenience when we returned home.

Wrath

Burning, blinding, violent rage.

I lost control of my temper today. It was unpleasant.