Yearly Reflections #2

This year was not as peaceful as I had hoped.

It began with my journey to Tirisfal to claim freedom from Viere’s legacy, which I believe was successful until I learned that still he lived. He would not leave me to this new life, although I had opportunities to end his. The wisdom of that choice I question now.

My beloved was taken from me once and then nearly again. Yet we as a pair have not faltered or fled from each other. A greater, darker power has been learned and transformed into restorative and practical magic. Our abilities compliment as never before. And this is something to which both of us struggle to adapt.

Nathan entered into things as a spirit lingering in the shade of forgotten memories. He lost everything that he knew, more than once with his love, Mira. But he confessed to me that he was grateful to live again even if the world had changed. It gave him the chance to enact revenge on the demon that had destroyed his world and to form new relationships here on the same manor. And he has a very well-built cabin to dwell in.

Mirtai settled well into her new existence. Until Nathan appeared and reminded her of everything that she missed of her former powers. She learned that her current form was not truly her own and that Mira may well linger within her. But she seems content and is well-protected and cared for here. Conditions that she realizes she did not have before.

Nemeiah grew a soft but strong ambition that has endured despite the lackadaisical efforts of the Bishop and others that claim to support her. Or perhaps I should say that she endured. Her devotion to the Light is so steady that she followed her companions to Icecrown, into a Necropolis, and then waited again for them at Tyr’s Hand to return so she could heal them. She continues to place the wellness of others above her own despite how the Light harms her.

The Regent has become Westlynn. She always was, but divesting herself of Tribe and title thrust her into a new chapter. Little does she speak of it, though. Our friendship developed over many months and over many miles trekked through desert, mountains and rapids. And through endless conversations on myriad topics. Others did not treat her so kind.

The Tribe and I are separated, and this includes Urukha. The treatment she gave to me after my first return from the realm of shadows was so abominable that no other course was left to me. I no longer ponder or question the cause; I am satisfied simply if I never see her again.

Other relationships remain, such as with Kruega, Vivvienne and Westel. The latter expected her second child some time during this season and also intended to marry its sire. Kruega provided many lighthearted chats and diversion with his allergy to the Fel. But he also needed to journey for a time in order to search for what he needed. Westel was married. I was not present for the ceremony but assume that he is happy with the development.

Shadowstep, the demon and the Witch are vanquished.

As for myself, I still believe it a waste of ink to spend time considering what changed. What has formed, rather, is a sense of design far more solid than any that I carried before. I am a Knight, my beloved’s, and anything that I do is to preserve and thrive in that purpose. I know more of what I am and what is disposable when what I love is threatened. For this next year, I intend to strengthen that position and for the unworthy, to be less compromising.

At the least, I must expect that it will be another interesting year. 

Adjusting

It is a relief to be home, yet it is strange also after being absent. Nathan kept up the place in his diligent manner, and he and Mirtai no longer seem at odds. The extent to which that has been reversed, I do not know and have no intention to inquire.

Winter reigns and it snowed last night. The garden is still and dormant. I see my breath when walking out of doors, and feel the sting of warming skin when returning to the shelter inside. A fire dances in the hearth. Yet my body is chilled, and not from the cold here.

Home Again

With the assistance of a certain nameless feline, my beloved and I are now home in much shorter time than expected. Mirtai and Nathan had been warned but we still surprised them. Maag in turn startled me with his enthusiasm. Fortunately I was wearing armor and the ground was not too frozen solid where I landed.

During this journey did manage to miss both of our birthdays and Winter’s Veil. Traded willingly, though, for a safe return. Now it is time to adjust to this world and climate again.

Unto Shadow #37 - The End

The retribution that the Lord predicted came, and was more devastating than either he or I calculated. The Witch is dead. And she is not the only casualty. It gives me great pain and grief – though not as much as him, I am sure – to think that both Victora and Kaelyn are lost. One of them almost certainly to death.

But my beloved’s cure was obtained and administered with success and we prepare to depart this realm. I will be overjoyed to see our home again and take a much-needed holiday.

Unto Shadow #36 - Oops

I may have by accident dislodged the careful balance of power between two sovereign, immortal eldritch creatures in this realm.

Unto Shadow #35 - Return

I have returned.

Perhaps there could not have been a more appropriate birthday gift for my beloved than simply this.

Unto Shadow #34 - Goodbye

Preparations are complete and I depart for the Web presently. Nemeiah contacted me just as I sat down and has returned intact from the new lands. And as I wrote of before, Westlynn's sister Yuliia is restored. Thus it is now my turn to complete my task.

Ink should not be wasted for too many words, but I will mention that I am alone again for this endeavor. I waited for my beloved to wake so we could exchange a farewell, but sleep kept too powerful a hold. So we did not speak and D.A. is unaware of what I go to do. Instead I wrote a letter that is to be opened only if I do not return.

This will be our goodbye as well, journal. You will remain here on the desk near my beloved. Thank you for listening.

Unto Shadow #33 - Another Surprise

Perhaps I should have reserved the title of my last entry for this one, as it was Kaelyn who surprised me this time. She summoned me to a part of the castle I had not seen before, and gave me something that will assist on the forthcoming venture. She did so only after learning the complete (as far as he is concerned) situation from the Lord.

She admitted that there would be a great deal of trouble for giving me this, and that is certainly not something I would wish inflicted on her. But I trust her persuasive abilities, and will soon be away.

Unto Shadow #32 - Surprise Gift

As a surprise, I asked Kaelyn to join me in one of the halls. I mentioned a desire to chat, but the reality was a surprise for her. I engaged in communication with Nathan, and then Mirtai, to show her what mortals looked like.

The substance of my conversation with them was not light, but Kaelyn seemed not to notice at all. She was quite excited to see them. I decided not to inform them of her observation. Once the communication ended, I told Kaelyn that this was her gift in the spirit of the season. She appeared grateful.

Unto Shadow #31 - Question

If walking blind into the Web to save my beloved was folly, and not bravery, what is deliberately walking back into it?

Unto Shadow #30 - Good News

I spoke with Westlynn while considering this course, and nearly immediately received good news. Her sister has overcome the poison within her and is recovered. She did not give details of this, and announced a dislike of speaking of her own affairs before I had opportunity to ask for them. But this is a positive development.

Unto Shadow #29 - Dilemma

The Lord proposed a route for treating my beloved, but I am extremely dissatisfied with it. While he could forcibly undertake the methods without my permission, allowing me to decide whether or not to pursue this course seems only a formality. Or at worse, a cruel game.

But if I refuse, then the danger turns back to my beloved and that is equally unacceptable. I do not trust the man, but there is little else I can do.

Unto Shadow #28 - Kaelyn

While my beloved declined attendance due to feeling ill, I met with Kaelyn for a simple dinner. Only the two of us attended, and this I generally approved of. She expressed her concern for D.A.’s condition and I thanked her for sending us wine and books while we retreated.

Kaelyn is, as I may have written before, the youngest of the Ladies here. She bears a fair complexion, red hair, blue eyes, and a kindly disposition. Alvarr seems to favor her in a quiet way over the others.

The conversation and company were pleasant, and a welcome diversion from other thoughts. She asked questions about my realm, and those who dwelled there. Most curious was she of elves, trolls, and holidays. She remembered a figure called “Father Christmas” from her own world (before she came here), but such traditions are no longer observed by the Lord or any of the Ladies. To me, it appeared that she wished that they did. Even their birthdays drift forgotten. Kaelyn tries to remember when hers occurred but is no longer certain of it.

She confessed to boredom at times from dwelling in such a vast castle, with no visitors and only her “sisters” to entertain herself with. Given Victora’s demeanor and Sophia’s limitations, I understand this.

We also exchanged information about our homes. She seemed genuinely stunned when I told her how Mirtai and Nathan (both elves) served of their own will. Yet she would not tell me precisely where the Lord’s shadow-servants originated.

I confess that I enjoyed chatting with her immensely.

Unto Shadow #27 - Bravery

The Lord called me a brave woman after I answered his questions and described what last happened here in the shadow realm. It took a moment for me to reply, and he did not appear to have anticipated the answer.

It is something I have thought on for various reasons. What is it that qualifies someone as brave? I calculate that it is easier to say what does not.

Bravery is not purely when one accomplishes something difficult in the face of dread odds. It is not shouting at the wind, or how a dog barks at perceived dangers. It is not a lack of fear. Nor charging into a deadly melee with sword raised and voice bellowing. Often, we mistake genuine foolishness and call it courage.

When I walked into the Web without knowledge of what I would face, determined to overcome obstacles no matter the cost, this was not bravery. It was folly and desperation.

Thus, when the Lord called me a brave woman, I replied that I was nothing.

Unto Shadow #26 - Tired

My beloved’s condition worsens. I do not think it endangers life, but certainly does impact the spirit and body. About all that can be accomplished is rest. I agreed to stay near for as much as possible, but we are still guests in this place and remaining aloof is impolite.

I also showed the note that the shadow-servant girl had left me, and it took only a moment for D.A. to understand the meaning of it. We agreed that the contents or the attempt at communication should not be revealed to the others here. I detect that my beloved wishes to help, because the pain of the shadow-people is being felt, but do not know what to do.

Meanwhile, I sit and write in this journal while D.A. sleeps next to me. I have not rested myself now for some time.