Storytime: Freedom

((Hey everyone! This special entry marks the 400^th post on Annjia’s Journal. 400 entries, 75,000 words. When I started I never expected so much to be written! As usual, I’ll take a few days off and resume posting on Monday, January 7^th.

Thanks for reading!))

More than two years had passed since I was raised. It was winter, and I still ached from injuries received when the world shattered and Tirisfal trembled with a great earthquake. Viere calculated that the power of the black dragons, and the Twilight Cult that served them could be leveraged. I was sent to integrate into the cult and deduce their worth.

The plan was progressing, until I encountered Shadowstep.

We fought among the cliffs of Hyjal and she, more agile than I, maneuvered to where my charge propelled me over the side. I caught the edge but the impact of body to wall bent my arm and broke it. I had been numb for so long already and hardly felt it. Attempts to lift myself up again failed and I fell.

Shadowstep achieved the high ground and brandished sharp projectiles. I elected to run away. This was typical of my character at the time. There was nothing to save or fight for and cowardice enabled survival.

I returned to Tirisfal to recover and found that the supply of healing potions in my stock depleted. In the halls of the labyrinth I met one of Viere’s other servants, the void demon, and he politely pointed me to Viere’s study where more potions were kept.

Never was I permitted into the study alone, but this time he was not there. While I looked for the potions, I found something else that I recognized. Something that he had taken from me to advance his powers.

I took it back.

The moment I did, the control he had placed so thoroughly in my mind snapped and my thoughts were my own. It was not a painless transition. Nor was it solely mental. I could feel everything changing in me. It is not solely an abstraction or dramatization to say that I could feel my heart beat again.

And there was nothing to stop me from destroying the man who had stolen everything. I proceeded to Viere’s chambers and found him awake and thoroughly displeased for me for disobeying his command to remain out of his study.  He began to wind up words. And I wound up my fist. The looks of surprise on his broken face delighted me, but pleased me less than the look of horror after when he curled his hand and tried to punish me. He found me immune.

Mirtai fled the room while I executed revenge on him. But beating on him did not appease my fury in full. He finally defended himself after a toll and struck me away with a blaze of fire. The bed and nearly everything else in his hollow empire caught aflame. I found this ironic and satisfying.

We flung a few bitter words across the room at each other but the greater fight was over. Yet he claimed pride, even credit for what I had become. He marveled at his own ability and prowess in making a creature that could develop thus. And he warned me that I was not prepared for the greater world. I proclaimed the bargain that if he did not pursue me, I would not kill him.

Now I know that he violated that pact. But I let him live that day, as I did more than a year later when I fulfilled another deal with him in exchange for the information and means to save my beloved.

Why? That I cannot answer in full. Had he made me more ignorant, had he treated me with respect and care I would not have sought escape. Some part of me may have been too proud then, watching his room burn, and gloating, needing to relish his frustration at losing his favorite possession. I wanted him to suffer. And he did suffer. 

Later, part of me may have wanted to see what he did with his own freedom. As granted by my hand. If he too could, out of torment become something better.

I do not think he has. Nor do I assume that he is gone from my life. I expect that there will be at least one more meeting and one more choice.

The uncertainty with which I reflect on my motivations contrasts, though, with the certainty of direction now. I cannot be bound thus, again. He made me, but I made myself strong.