Delegation

Za’zii insistently pestered me for a job, so I resurrected an idea and put him to work on it. The agreement was that he bring humiliation to someone that I find repulsive.

To be truthful, at the beginning it felt rather pleasant to hire out. I did the same for the carriage, by bringing on Miss Hackwrench, and then Aomaho and Sunspeaker. Urukha did a lovely job with the harness. Around the house, Mirtai has been of great assistance in keeping the place in order. And, when Gom’jun discovered that I had hired Za’zii, he also indicated that he would be willing to work.

But my goal for Za’zii was petty, and his plan was poor. Thus, resulting in abysmal failure. Though none of them were supposed to be involved, near half the Tribe, including Pip, Urukha and Whiteclaw were embroiled in a brawl in the tunnels of Orgrimmar. I am ashamed for my behavior and for the doubt it has cast me into. The obligatory conversation following with the Regent was unpleasant. It felt, nearly, like I was speaking with Viere again. I struggled to hold my composure.

I hope that Gom’jun is able to deliver my message to Nemeiah, or that my beloved will respond to my efforts at home, because I am severely lacking in kind guidance at the moment. I need that assistance, journal. Not lectures nor platitudes, nor a bowl of ice cream. Help.

Balance

This last week or more since D.A.’s emotional eruption, I have attempted to spend more time and attention on things closer to home. I am concerned. There is a delicate balance between the energy I possess and the expectations others have of me. I confess that some of those expectations I sought without fully calculating the consequences.

But I am aware of my desires, and my priorities. And there is now a palpable strain. I must not allow it to affect my judgment, but I fear it already has.

Intruder

There is something haunting my barn. I do not know what it is, but it managed to startle me mightily. It has shown no sign of viciousness and yet, I do not know how to rid the place of it. As for how it made it past my wards, D.A. suggested that it may have been there all along.


I had thought that it was nothing more than a delusion inflicted by my slipping and striking my head during the storm (another dizzy spell, I think). But then when I re-entered the barn later in the morning, with D.A. watching a safe distance away, and we both witnessed unusual happenings.

I am displeased.

Hunger

I do not require much food. To be truthful, I would likely be perfectly well without eating, but it is something expected and offered by others, and I believe it is a behavior that promotes their comfort and a sense of normalcy. This baffled Westel and Urukha, as they interpreted my lack of appetite as displeasure with what they provided. Pip has learned that I prefer bringing packaged samples home for convenience.

There is a second sort of hunger, though, that I explained to the Regent after an incident involving another Death Knight. A group of us, mostly Tribe but also Zazii and Gom’jun, were sitting in a hall in Silvermoon and debating. We were joined by that Death Knight, Naomi, who I did not know and who did not contribute to the discussion. When we relocated to the woods, she followed. Westel, the only Tuskguard present, did not accompany us, leaving the rest vulnerable.

As we collected food at an Eversong outpost, Naomi approached me. She did not understand how I could interact with so many “mortals” and not succumb to the endless hunger. This condition, simply defined, is if Death Knights do not regularly kill, we suffer debilitating pain. One of the lasting influences of the Lich King.

Naomi had originally been attracted to the group by my presence.When we moved from the city, she thought that I would ambush the others. She intended to support me and attack them. I corrected her assumptions regarding my motives and declared that the group was under my protection.

She submitted to me, but the Regent noticed the tense exchange. No one else did. The next day, I explained to her what occurred, and to what hunger Naomi referred. Westlynn was attentive and polite, asking many questions and maintaining a clinical, rather than sentimental tone. I appreciated this. Others could react poorly to such information. There is no cure for this, so there is little use for emotional cloudiness.

((Sources: http://us.battle.net/wow/en/forum/topic/2721372142 "Are blood elf death knights still affected by their racial addiction to magic?"

"The Endless Hunger" http://www.wowhead.com/quest=12848. ))

Forbidden

There are many things that I am not permitted to do. They are not excluded because they are physically impossible, but because of social or rank restriction. For example, it is bad form to track muddy boots upstairs into D.A.’s study. Or to threaten the shadow-kitten with unholy retribution for damaging my socks. Intentionally spooking Mirtai. And of course, I follow the rules associated with remaining dutiful to my beloved.

However, there are limitations placed by others, the latest of which comes from Nemeiah. I am not to visit Tyr’s Hand. Not due bad behavior on my part, nor by a sweeping edict of the Bishop. But because of unsettling incidents that recently occurred there. Nemeiah wishes for my absence so that I will not be endangered.

I am not comfortable with being forbidden thus. To demean myself, it is a bit like telling one’s guard dog to wait outside while the robber is still inside the house. And, of course, I now cannot access the abbey library to enjoy its quiet and resources. But I am currently obeying Nem's preference despite my compulsion to defend.

Trust

The Regent invited me for another walkabout and meal. Perhaps I am too suspicious to think that any individual with as healthy an appetite for information as she would avoid the opportunity to interrogate me, but she refrained from doing so.  With her it is a different experience than say, Decie and Leahndri, or Westel at times. The curiosity is there, but the tactics used to express it are much more subtle.

To this end, the issue of trust rose. The Regent expressed that she wanted mine. Not solely as her Title identity but as Westlynn. She cited years of patience with Do’xian as evidence of her persistence. She told me to expect that she would not expose me not matter what I entrusted to her. As a friend.

It is difficult to calculate on this. As I have stated, she is the leader of the wolf pack, and no matter what sort of personal relationship she may wish to invite, she is still the leader of the Tribe. This is a position where one has great power to offer confidence, but duty could compel the opposite. I am not certain if the offer is truly sound.

The odd thing was that opposite this declaration of personal expectations, my attempts to define our formal relations went very much undefined. But, perhaps I can blame the tumult that arose through her talisman for distracting her from this topic. I am a bit disappointed by this.

However, there is now opportunity for me to test that confidence she offered. I will write the results when I know them.

Loa

For one that is not a Troll, it is difficult to learn much about the Trollish gods: the Loa. Loa, in a general sense, are spirits that are offered sacrifice and service in order to receive their blessings. It is akin to a master and servant, according to Zazii.  

It was Jiik that first mentioned this, as she is a Trollish warlock and in the service of Mueh’zala. I did not know until much later that even mentioning the name of this Loa was disagreeable. In addition, Elves and Trolls do not mingle well when discussing their faiths. Before, when I asked Do’xian regarding this, he warned me that too much curiosity and questioning could bring ill will. However, two nights ago Zazii, Gom’jun, and another one of their acquaintance that they called Vorl’baz were discussing it. I was invited to listen.

Apparently, you are given the opportunity to choose your Loa, based on what powers you possess, or wish to obtain. There are more than one Loa that deal with death, unsurprisingly. And they are very real in form, as the Drakkari trolls of Northrend took advantage of. Gom’jun did not sacrifice to any Loa, and did not understand why his elders considered it so vital. They explained it to him. It was fascinating.